The hardest thing

Someone recently asked me what's the hardest thing about living away from your own country - especially a third world country.

When they asked, I thought, honestly the hardest thing has nothing to do with whether you are in a third world country - I think it would be the same thing wherever you are in a different culture to your own.

You see the hardest thing for me is being away from my family and friends..... and the way that changes relationships.

Many years ago, before I ever lived in Uganda, when the dream of working in Africa one day was still just that.... a dream, a missionary lady sat across from me and shared with me what her greatest challenge had been working in another culture.

I thought she was going to tell me about the different food, or the different cultural expectations or the language or something.
But she in fact shared how it was the fact that the friendships she left behind changed.
She said that was the greatest sacrifice she made being a missionary.

She talked about how while living in another land, all her Australian friends, while still keeping in contact and still 'friends', they found new close friends.... they didn't 'need' her friendship anymore.
While for her she needed it more than ever.
Here she was living in a foreign country, experiencing so many various things, some good, some not so good.....struggling with food differences, and cultural differences and language barriers - and what she needed was her friends.

She said that while she gained new friends in the African country she was working in, it wasn't the same as her friends at home... because they 'knew her' ..... they knew her culture and background, they understood the way she thought, and friendship meant the same thing to her.
She realised that making new friends in a foreign culture, was extremely difficult and also took a lot of time, and even then it looked different to the friendships at home, culturally you just don't talk about 'some' things, even with your friends.
That's why she needed her Australian friends even more than ever before.
But life gets busy and her Australian friends moved on to find new 'best' friends, and she found she was now on the outer, even with life long friends.

I can very clearly remember this conversation, but I don't think at the time I could have understood what she meant. I know I didn't understand what she meant.

The thing is, family is family.... my relationship with them hasn't changed and doesn't change.
But with friends, I understand what she means now.
While I do hear from some every now and then, its SO NOT THE SAME as when I'm home in Australia - I know their lives are busy and they have LOTS of other friends to rely on now..... but for me... I still need them.

When the young guy asked me this week what the hardest thing was.... honestly I didn't give him this answer, I knew I'd get too emotional talking about it; but as I gave him some generic answer about cultural expectations etc, the conversation with that lady from all those years ago came flooding back and I realised just what really is the hardest thing.
The changing face of relationships and friendships sacrificed. ( and the fact I needed to write about it to help process it :)

Yep relationships change anyways, friendships change even when you live a few minutes down the road from each other, I know that too.... some are just for a season.... but its super hard when you need that friendship more than ever.
Especially when living in a society where friendship looks a lot different from what you are use to.

I am very thankful that I am starting to make friends here after 5 years, but I'm still learning what friendships look like here and it takes time, when you add in cultural and language differences. So I still need those friendships with my friends from my 'other' home.

So I encourage you - value your friendships... make time for people..... cherish them .... and if you have a friend living in a foreign country, whether working as a missionary, or whether they moved for work or even if they married the love of their life and moved to another land.... check in on them... they still need you.