To say we have been busy is an understatement.
Our whole team have been very busy the last 7 months as we've set up our new facility and set up so many new programs.
But the last two months have been in particular a very busy time.
There is so many things I could write about in this blog that we've been learning, or the joys we've faced or the challenges.
But today I want to write about a lesson that has been difficult to learn in many ways - but that is also proving to be a beautiful lesson.
And its something I'm writing about mostly for myself so I can try and sort through the lessons I've been learning.
I've titled this blog - The Beauty of Living Month to Month.
(Now I will speak in a month to month because here in Uganda bills are paid by the month, as are wages)
Strange title I know - but one I hope you will understand more by the end of the blog.
I was raised in a society that holds the belief that living week to week or month to month is a deeply negative thing.
And boy am I noticing on how deep that belief runs through my own values and priorities.
And I do understand where this belief comes from as we are a nation or a society that sees our financial status or future totally dependent on what 'we' do.
That belief is VERY different here in Uganda.
But before I talk more on that let me start by saying that if I am honest - I have in the past struggled with the weight of the responsibility of people donating money to help us help people here.
Rob and I are so humbled by the fact that people believe in us and the dream and the mission we have here and are willing to spend their hard earned money in helping us to see lives changed.
We do not take the responsibility lightly. And if I'm honest it is a responsibility that has kept me awake many nights.
We just want to spend it well and be good stewards of what God gives us through other people all over the world.
But its also the responsibility of having so many people here reliant on us now - all our employees but now all the families we work with and support.
Knowing that the programs are reliant on the small finances that come in to continue to run and change lives.
While we have a wonderful group of supporters and their money is making a difference - the needs are great.
Every month the needs increase - or maybe its that every month our eyes are opened even more to the needs around us and ways we could be helping - so then the need for more finances increase.
It is incredibly easy to get stuck in the worry chair..... I often think of the saying - worry is like a rocking chair.... it gives you something to do - but gets you no where.
And how true this has been for me earlier in the year.
I hate to admit how many sleepless nights I have had or how many hours every day I would spend worrying about finances.
Rob and I as a couple and now as a family have seen God come through in amazing ways for us in the 5 years we have been married.
I was honestly not prepared for the responsibility of marrying a man who is 'head' of his family.
And could not have understood the amount of people who would come to us and look to us for financial support, from within his family and friends.
And yet even with the large portions of times when we have gone without any wage due to Rob's wage not coming through on time from the government or his employers or due to us being in Australia having our boys etc - God has always provided and come through for us. Often in very unexpected ways.
So when I think about how much I worried about the ministry finances it does seem ridiculous when I've seen God do miracles for us as a family so many times.
I should have looked to the example of my husband more who does not worry but gives his cares to God. He says he has seen God come through for him from the time his parents died - often at the last minute but always in ways that was right to the situation he was in ( school fees paid unexpectedly, scholarships out of the blue, random strangers paying for school supplies etc) - that he knows now that God can be trustworthy.
We have always said that this is God's work - and we have had that spoken to us so many times over the years - that we did not need to worry about finances because this was God's work and God would provide.
It seems I'm a slow learner!
I wish I was more like my Ugandan family and friends, who trust God and don't seem to lose faith as easily or as quickly as I do.
Back in April as I was sitting down and going through our sponsors and putting data into our computer system - it struck me that we had had no new sponsors since mid 2017.
I thought - can this really be right? I knew that our budget was probably 5 times what it was in mid 2017 - so could it really be right that we'd gained no new regular sponsors since then.
I re-checked my data and that was correct.
We'd had many one off donations etc but no one had come on board as a monthly donor.
This caused me to stop and think..... I went back through our income and could see that overall our income was still roughly the same.
And yet I could also see and knew that our budget has grown considerably. We had 4 new ministries - with more than 8 new employees plus new volunteers who we helped with transport- we had our new facility in the slums and also a new office that we were renting.
As I looked it was clear that every month various donations would come in - sometimes from people I didn't even know or that were anonymous that would stretch our budget to cover everything we needed.
At the start of every month since December I have looked at the expenses coming up and have worried and prayed for provision. Often saying to Rob " I have no idea how we are going to cover this month's budget" - speaking in relation to what I know our income is from our regular donors.
And yet when I looked back I knew that we had never missed a rents payment, electricity and water was always paid on time, we had never paid our workers late, we had never had to miss from feeding the families we work with in the slums, we'd never had to put a project on hold for a few days or weeks while we waited for more finances.
In fact every time we'd needed to purchase more supplies, or pay for renovations or help a sick family in the community or meet an unexpected need - the resources were there.
Sometimes in response to us putting out what we were praying for - but often without us even voicing the need.
As I continued to go through the data and sat with Rob and went back through all the things we had done each month this year - we were both in awe of God and of how He has been providing.
We of course would celebrate and be grateful every time a need was met - but we had been so busy we hadn't stopped and stepped back to see just how many times this was happening!
Where we are now compared to 2017 is unbelievable!
Sadly being the slow learner that I am - I still seemed to get caught in to the worry trap again for a few more weeks - but in May while realising that our needs were going to be increasing greatly with the beginning of skills training - and realising the expense of setting the skills training up - I said in amongst some tears...
"God I am so tired of being worried about finances... I'm tired of living month to month.... I'm just sick of spending everything that comes in and not having anything to for the next month. I'm finding this so exhausting and no one seems to understand....I know you provide...and I know every month we've made it through... but I'm tired of JUST making it through.. I just don't want to live month to month"......
Now I was hoping God would say - "oh my child I am so sorry, here's a new sponsor who will donate $10,000 each month" .... haha..... but instead God rebuked me.
And I felt him say instead that I was missing the beauty of this season. He asked me many questions.... have you ever missed paying rent.... NO.... have you ever paid your employees late... NO.... have you ever had to go without something for the ministry that was really needed, and at the time it was actually needed..... NO..... HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THAT I AM THE PROVIDER OF ALL THINGS.... OR THAT I CARE ABOUT THESE PEOPLE EVEN MORE THAN YOU DO...... as I sat and wiped my tears away I realised how true this was.
God was the provider - how could it be that we would get the exact amount of money needed to pay for someones school fees the day they were due without us even telling anyone..... no more - no less..... or that someone would contact us and say - we've felt led to give you some money this month for whatever you need to use it for... and it would end up being the exact amount we needed for a need that we hadn't even shared with anyone.
Only God could do this.
God went on to show me that in Australia - in MY life there.... while its hard living month to month yes... there's always back up plans....family, friends...government support... here there is nothing like that.
God is trying to get us.... but especially me... to understand that at the end of the day - it all comes from him.... and He is faithful and will come through for us.
Not necessarily to give us all our wants.... I mean there is so much we WANT to do... but He will provide everything we need.... at the time we NEED it... not when we think we do .... but when we actually do.
Think of the Israelites - God fed them with manna ( and quail too) from heaven each day when in the desert..... but God told them not to save any for the next day. If they did it was full of maggots and off the next day.
God was trying to teach them that He could and would supply their needs everyday. They didn't have to take matters in to 'their' hand and save it up, but that they could trust God to provide.
That's not saying its wrong to save.... but in this circumstance it was.... because God was trying to teach them a lesson.... to focus on today... trust me TODAY... don't worry about tomorrow... I'll supply all your needs... and He alone knows what we really need for THAT day.
Even the Lord's prayer says.... give us THIS DAY our DAILY bread..... not asking for more than we need... but for what HE KNOWS we need!
For example I would have loved to have started the skills training in January.... I thought it was the right thing to start with it at the start of the year..... but the resources weren't there.... and it obviously wasn't the right time...we just couldn't get the resources together...... but then when we set the goal of starting in July, the resources became available and we have been able to start. It was obviously His timing.
And now I need to remember that if He opened the way to start it - He will continue to provide to run it.
I am learning that instead of being worried or concerned at the beginning of each month on how we will afford all that is needed for the next few weeks - that I should take a breath - remember how many times God has shown up - and celebrate that once again we get to see God come through for us.
God showed me it wouldn't always be like this - I believe in the future many of our ministries will be self sustaining..... but that instead of looking to those times as being 'better or easier'..... I should celebrate this season we are in and learn the lesson that there is beauty in living month to month.... because I am seeing and experiencing God coming through for us like I could never have imagined.
